The duct tape is peeling back on your ski boots and the sun has faded your back window full of bumper stickers to a patchwork of white blobs. Your resume reads as spastically long as a David Foster Wallace novel because you work three jobs at a time. Your collection of nametags all include your hometown. You can make a bag of ramen and bottle of hot sauce stretch further than an olympic gymnast. You can't budget right to pay off your credit card this month, but you can actively calculate how much snow will be on the ground in the morning based on the current rate of snowfall, the predicted overnight temperatures, which way the wind is blowing and what time the sun will rise. Speaking of plastic money, you can't remember your pin number because who can afford to pay for things with a debit card. Oh, you like to ski? We didn't notice. Cool hat, though.

• Adjustable Snapback Trucker
• Ski Bum Graphic on Front